I’ve decided to put it out there, this hurt and anger I feel towards some creative men on Instagram who upon meeting, seem very interested and eager in collaborating and going out to photograph together, but suddenly lose interest when they realize I am in a relationship. I hate feeling like I have to hide the fact I share my life with a wonderful person for the opportunity to be taken seriously in a creative effort.
One guy in particular promised to teach me how to use Lightroom when I shared I just didn’t feel the same kind of creativity with digital mediums the way I feel alive in a darkroom. I still have the texts in which he even addresses me as “baby.” I never led him on, never suggested anything more than interest in going out to photograph and feeding off of this energy. I’m tired of feeling like I have to hide my partnership to have this opportunity. I’m more disgusted that it seems I can’t have an “in” unless my dropped-panties are offered in the exchange.
More are the guys who clearly have expressed through “likes” over and over again that they like the stuff I shoot, and yet unfollow me. This isn’t a cry for followers, I’d much rather have a handful of engaged people than thousands who can’t take a real moment to appreciate what I am trying to communicate. This is a cry for creativity. This is a cry for opportunity.
I am more offended by the guys who think it’s too dangerous for me to go to some places. If they bothered to get to know me as an individual, maybe they’d learn that my history with street and graffiti artists has caused me to hop over and run-away from sticky situations more often than not. I’ve run in heels, because i’ve had to. I’ve climbed over fences and gates in dresses, because although it’s better to be in pants, sometimes you’re dressed all girly when an opportunity presents itself.
So, here it is. I am in a relationship. I love the man I’m with, we’ve experienced hardships and hurdles and have caused harm and have healed and nurtured each other. I don’t want to hide that part of me and I don’t want that part of me to hinder opportunities. I am interested in genuine relationships and experiences in learning and pushing the boundaries in storytelling through visuals. You can keep your 20+K followers, I’m not after them. They’ve just proven how little risk you take in trying something new for fear of losing them. Just don’t insult me with faux-kindness when we see each other, because i’ve learned you’re fake.
Thank you for mocking my kindness and in the end rejecting me. As a writer, rejection is common, but at least the opportunity or a moment in time is given to grant that.